eating disorders

A Boy, His Anorexia, and the Heart That Saved His Life

JCheang — Tue, 04 Jun 2019 12:56:03 +0000

A Boy, His Anorexia, and the Heart That Saved His Life

JCheang Tue, 06/04/2019 - 08:56

June 04, 2019

By Non Wels, feely human and creator of You, Me, Empathy

(Trigger warning: Disordered eating, weight, and suicidal ideation are mentioned in this blog post.)

I’m a man in recovery from Anorexia Nervosa.

As a man, I’m not here to show you how strong I am, how impervious to crying I am, how in the face of an emotional peculiarity—or emotion, period—I find the willpower to stuff it down then proceed to crush a beer can in my bare hands. I am not here to show you what a man should be. Because the truth is that there are no shoulds.

At 18, I began starving myself.

I spent four brutal years doing everything I could possibly think of to repress my heart (not as a means to be more manly, but as a mechanism of survival)—such as attempting to mediate my parents’ failing marriage, running for 10-20-30 miles at a time until the agony of my physical body shrieked louder than the agony in my heart, journeying abroad to study literature in The Land That Knows No Sun (Wales), and fondly wondering if killing myself in a Welsh bathtub would be romantic enough.

And at 22, the doctor told me my heart would take its final, desperate beat in my chest unless I swiftly upped my caloric intake and changed… something.

When the doctor told me that my heart was not long for this world, I was 118 pounds (down from 175, my healthy weight). My hair was a brittle forest—clumps would take swan dives off my scalp on the regular. My skin, thin and pallid, was an arid wasteland no amount of lotion could remedy. My bones reverberated in pain persistently, from the knobby knees that felt in need of full orthoscopic replacements to the feet that were composed of cracked egg shells.

I was dying but I realized that I didn’t want to die. My heart, which spent 20+ years locked away in my Heart Guard—a protection against the violence and rage of an abusive father—needed to be open. I needed to look inward at my heart for the first time in my life. And my living depended on it.

So, I changed my heart.

The next decade, my 20s, I stumbled greatly: I tried therapy for the first time, I relapsed in my eating disorder; I abused alcohol; I wrote a lot; I slept way less; I moved to New York; I broke hearts; I found love; I worked in Alaska; I over-exercised; I started the slow, arduous process of looking inward to see what this big, maroon muscle in my chest was all about.

And in my 30s (I’ll be 38 this year), I haven’t figured out all the secrets of the heart, but I’ve learned this: It wasn’t the reintegration of food that saved my life, it was the recognition that my heart wasn’t meant to be a prisoner, but rather a leader, and an unabashedly feely guide on a path toward self-acceptance, self-discovery, self-love, connection, growth, and empathy.

And that’s the capable beauty of your heart, too—no matter how you identify, each of us, every single one of us feely humans on this pale blue dot has a heart.

I’ve learned to follow my heart’s lead. Find strength in its guidance. Look inward and accept that I—yes, me, who still struggles with this—has the strength of vulnerability, of empathy, of connecting and growing and learning and recovering and healing.

Societal constructs, cultural artifices, regressive gender norms—tell us that men can’t feel our feelings, that we need to be beacons of strength, that we need to toughen up, that we need to man up and be men. I say no to that. If there are any shoulds in this world, it’s this: we should not be pawns in a war against matters of the heart.

As men, I believe we need to shed these insidious, patriarchal assumptions of our place on this pale blue dot—not with our fists—but with our intrinsic and wholly human capacity for emotional vulnerability, empathy, and the indelible inward-seeking journeys we take to navigate and understand our feelings.

Non Wels is a mental health advocate, writer, doggo lover, runner, empath, and feely human. He has depression, anxiety, and is in recovery from Anorexia Nervosa, but these are just components of him, not all of him. Non is also the creator of the podcast and community: You, Me, Empathy, a safe space for others to share their mental health stories. He believes deeply in the power of vulnerability and empathy as integral foundational elements to recovery and mental health awareness. Non writes abouts mental health, his eating disorder journey, and other feely things at NonWels.com. Connect with Non on Instagram @YouMeEmpathy.

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7 Important Facts About Eating Disorders

JCheang — Thu, 23 May 2019 16:11:24 +0000

7 Important Facts About Eating Disorders

JCheang Thu, 05/23/2019 - 12:11

May 23, 2019

1. They are serious mental illnesses.
original image: NBC Studios
Eating disorders can have serious consequences for health, productivity, and relationships. Eating disorders, including anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating disorder are bio-psycho-social diseases – not fads, phases, or lifestyle choices.

2. They are not just women’s disorders.

Eating disorders affect both men and women, even though they are often thought of as disorders pertaining mostly to women. Men and women both feel pressure to look a certain way, which can influence the development of an eating disorder.

3. They are life consuming.

Eating disorders impact all aspects of someone’s life – relationships with family members, friends, and coworkers, as well as functioning in academic settings and the workplace. Thoughts, emotions, attitudes, and behaviors regarding weight and food issues are constant for those with eating disorders, and it can make it impossible to live a normal life.

4. Eating food is more complicated for those with eating disorders.

Those with eating disorders analyze the food they are eating, and it affects the way that they live. Eating only minimal amounts of food can take longer than it does for those without eating disorders because thoughts of how the food will affect their figure can oftentimes be overwhelming.

5. People with eating disorders cannot just “get over it.”

Recovering from an eating disorders is not a matter of simply choosing to eat healthily. Eating disorders are complex illnesses that affect perceptions of body image as well as behaviors, and they are not easy to change. Treatment of these disorders works to change these thoughts and behaviors, but these changes do not happen immediately – it takes time.

6. They are serious and life-threatening problems.

Anorexia nervosa has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder and the mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate of ALL causes of death for females 15-24 years old. Without treatment, up to 20% of people with serious eating disorders die.

Source: www.mirasol.net/learning-center/eating-disorder-statistics.php

7. Recovery is possible

Effective treatment is tailored to the individual that is suffering with the eating disorder. It is often recommended that care be provided by a multidisciplinary team, which may consist of a therapist (e.g., psychologist, counselor, or social worker), dietician, psychiatrist and/or primary care physician.

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Why I Believe Full Recovery from an Eating Disorder is Possible

JCheang — Thu, 21 Mar 2019 13:38:58 +0000

Why I Believe Full Recovery from an Eating Disorder is Possible JCheang Thu, 03/21/2019 - 09:38

By Colleen M. Werner

When I first started struggling with food and body image at eight years old, I was convinced it would be a lifelong struggle. My days were spent getting on and off a scale more times than anyone could imagine and counting out my cornflakes before I’d even think of eating them. I felt that I was destined to be bound by my eating disorder forever.

However, at 22 years old, I am fully recovered from anorexia. There is some controversy in the mental health world about whether full recovery from an eating disorder is possible, and I wholeheartedly believe it is (in fact, I’m living proof). Eating disorder expert Carolyn Costin says,

“Being recovered to me is when the person can accept his or her natural body size and shape and no longer has a self-destructive or unnatural relationship with food or exercise. When you are recovered, food and weight take a proper perspective in your life and what you weigh is not more important than who you are; in fact, actual numbers are of little or no importance at all. When recovered, you will not compromise your health or betray your soul to look a certain way, wear a certain size or reach a certain number on a scale. When recovered, you do not use eating disorder behaviors to deal with, distract from, or cope with other problems.”

My eating disorder truly is a thing of the past. While I still struggle with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and PTSD, and my battle with anorexia has certainly informed the woman I’ve become, I no longer experience eating disorder thoughts or even the slightest urge to use eating disorder behavior. I’ve learned that my life will never be perfect, and I’ve gained the ability to cope effectively, even in extremely difficult circumstances.

Mental health advocacy has been one of the biggest catalysts in my recovery. Through discovering mental health advocacy, I’ve had the opportunity to be a part of something so much bigger than myself. I’ve found an immense sense of purpose, and I’ve connected with countless individuals who have also found true full recovery from their eating disorders. My commitment to this advocacy, coupled with my dedication to my professional treatment and my determination to find a life beyond my eating disorder truly led me to full recovery.

Long gone are the days of 10-year-old Colleen measuring her Rice Krispies, 16-year-old Colleen compulsively exercising after hours of dance rehearsals, and 19-year-old Colleen relapsing after seeing the number on the scale change. Now my days are filled with truly experiencing all emotions, appreciating my body regardless of any numbers, eating the foods my body, mind, and taste buds want, and pursuing my dream of becoming an eating disorder therapist.

While I can’t promise you will find full recovery, I can tell you that it is possible. I encourage you to seek professional treatment and start your own advocacy journey, whether it be through volunteering for organizations like Project HEAL, Mental Health America, and NEDA, or through getting more vulnerable about your struggles on social media—it might just change your life

Colleen M. Werner is a mental health advocate, public speaker, eating disorder recovery coach, and eating disorder therapist-in-training. Her personal experiences with anorexia nervosa, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and trauma led her to want to turn her struggles around to both inspire and help others in similar situations. Her work has been published by HuffPost, The Mighty, Channel Kindness, the National Eating Disorders Association, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, Mental Health America, Project HEAL, and HerCampus. Her debut book, Brave Girl Healing, will be published by Eliezer Tristan Publishing in early 2019. Learn more about Colleen at www.colleenmwerner.com and find her on social media as @colleenmwerner.

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9 Women Thriving with Mental Health Conditions

JCheang — Wed, 06 Mar 2019 17:27:35 +0000

9 Women Thriving with Mental Health Conditions JCheang Wed, 03/06/2019 - 12:27

By Jennifer Cheang, MHA Associate Director of Digital Marketing

Happy International Women’s Day!

Today is a day to celebrate women and we are highlighting women who are living in recovery with mental health conditions and choose to use their platforms to spread awareness.

1. Lady Gaga – PTSD

Marcel de Groot [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)]

"[I]f you see somebody that's hurting, don't look away. And if you're hurting, even though it might be hard, try to find that bravery within yourself to dive deep and go tell somebody and take them up in your head with you."

2. Michelle Williams – Depression

Michelle Williams keynoting MHA’s 2017 Annual Conference

“I had no plans of what I was going through being public BUT now that it is, I have a made an even BIGGER commitment to the mental health awareness area. So many people are suffering, hurting, hopeless, lost and don’t see a way out but there is.”

3. Letitia Wright – Depression

Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)]

"There might be some of you here that's going through depression, that's going through a bad time, and you're putting on a smile on your face and nobody can see that. But you know it and God knows it, and I just want to encourage you and I just want to say that God loves you and just let your light shine."

4. Emma Stone – Anxiety

Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)]

“It’s so normal, everyone experiences a version of anxiety or worry in their lives and maybe we go through it in a different or more intense way, or for longer periods of time, but there’s nothing wrong with you.”

5. Jameela Jamil – Eating Disorder

aitchisons from United States [CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)]

"Weighing is not an indication of health. It doesn't mean anything. It shouldn't be part of our narrative, it shouldn't be part of our conversation, [and] you definitely shouldn't be weighing children and then telling them what they weigh ... it just creates so much trauma."

6. Taraji P. Henson – Unspecified mental health condition

NASA/Aubrey Gemignani [Public domain]

“The misconception about celebrities (is) that we have it all together and we’re perfect, and we’re not. Our kids aren’t perfect, we’re suffering and struggling just like the regular person and money doesn’t help.”

7. Chamique Holdsclaw – Bipolar Disorder

Chamique Holdsclaw keynoting MHA’s 2016 Annual Conference

“It’s nothing special. I just know a lot of people suffer in silence, and I’ve got to step up. I’ve got to stand for something and take responsibility. I just know when I’m near, how it impacts people… People are touched or crying or share with me. That’s way better than doing the basketball stuff.”

8. Halsey – Bipolar disorder

Justin Higuchi from Los Angeles, CA, USA [CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)]

“The thing about having bipolar disorder, for me, is that I’m really empathetic.”

9. Ruby Rose – Depression

Eva Rinaldi [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)]

“I don't want to ramble on, I'm just feeling reflective because I chose to fight and I thought it meant I'd be able to live. I didn’t think it meant I'd be able to live my dream. I didn’t think it would result in this extraordinary life I get to be a part of now. It just makes me wonder how many others are days, hours, seconds away from realising their worth, their potential. And once the dark cloud is lifted will be truly happy and free.”

Millions of women live with mental health conditions and these women are just the start of a growing movement to bring mental health into the limelight.

Do you have a woman in your life that inspires you to live mentally healthier?

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My daily struggle

I understand what these women are feeling. I struggle daily with mental health issues. My mental health condition has taken over my 20's, 30's, 40's but I'm not allowing this disease to take over my 50's. I'm trying very hard to heal my inner self with healthier food choices, drinking plenty of water and I've even started drinking protein shakes in the morning to help with my mental state. I also incorporated running and walking daily for exercise. So far so good! Let's all speak out and help one another. Let's all get involved in trying to combat mental health. There are just too many human being committing suicide.

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How Mental Health Advocacy Helped Me Fully Recover from My Eating Disorder

JCheang — Mon, 25 Feb 2019 14:38:53 +0000

How Mental Health Advocacy Helped Me Fully Recover from My Eating Disorder JCheang Mon, 02/25/2019 - 09:38

By Colleen M. Werner

My eating disorder first started to develop when I was still a child. I heard negative comments about my body from several trusted adults for most of my early childhood, including my pediatrician telling me that I needed to eat more salads and my grandfather telling me that I was built like a linebacker. I watched countless people around me immerse themselves in diet culture and hate their bodies. At 10 years old, I decided that I needed to start dieting.

One morning, I found a Weight Watchers book in my living room. I soaked in the information and decided that even though the book said it should only be used by those over 18, I was special and it didn’t apply to me. That day was the first time I ever engaged in eating disorder behaviors. Looking back, I feel so much compassion and sadness for little 10-year-old me. I thought that what I was doing was going to make me worthier and that it would make the negative comments and intrusive thoughts stop. However, I didn’t realize that I was perfect just as I was and that measuring my Rice Krispies and getting on and off a scale compulsively wasn’t going to make my life better—it was just going to create an even larger firestorm in my brain.

As the years went by, my eating disorder intensified. My perfectionistic personality, my natural high sensitivity to emotions, life stressors like my parents’ divorce and surviving trauma, and my intensive dance training created the perfect storm for my eating disorder to dig its claws deeper into my brain. My eating disorder behaviors completely took over my life. All I could think about was food and exercise. As my body shrank, I received more praise. Everyone told me I looked amazing and asked how I was doing it. Little did they know that I was destroying my body and my mind, all in an effort to gain control and cope with things that I simply couldn’t handle. This praise made me feel like what I was doing was normal and okay, even though it was tearing me apart. At 19 years old, I finally realized that I wanted to take my life back. I was done with my eating disorder dictating my life, and I chose to enter therapy.

While professional help was crucial to my recovery, mental health advocacy played (and still plays) a huge role as well. My advocacy efforts started off small by creating an Instagram account where I shared things like going to my first therapy session and different struggles I faced in my recovery journey. I made a post sharing how the dance world contributed to my battles with food and body image, and several media outlets wrote about it. I began volunteering at various organizations that work on mental health and eating disorders, and now work as the social media manager for one of them, Project HEAL, a nonprofit that provides access to healing for all people with eating disorders. Being so dedicated to my advocacy efforts was one of my biggest motivators in maintaining my eating disorder recovery. I knew that if I slipped back into eating disorder behaviors, I wasn’t going to be able to help others in the way I wanted to. Immersing myself in mental health advocacy gave me an outlet where I could be open about my mental health and motivate myself to continue pushing forward in my recovery so that I could continue doing what I was passionate about.

One of my proudest advocacy moments was being invited to speak alongside Cynthia Germanotta (President and co-founder of Born This Way Foundation), Paul Gionfriddo (President and CEO of MHA), and Kelly Davis (Director of Peer Advocacy, Support, and Services at MHA) during the closing plenary of MHA’s 2018 Annual Conference in Washington, DC. I never imagined that my recovery would bring me to sharing my journey at a major mental health conference with hundreds of mental health professionals and advocates in attendance. This moment made me realize that I can change the world and that I am worthy of my own support.

Becoming a mental health advocate helped me own my story and struggles and dig deeper into my healing than I ever thought possible. Knowing that I needed to stay well in order to continue my advocacy efforts kept me motivated to tackle the gnarly roots of my eating disorder, instead of just being satisfied with surface level progress like no longer engaging in behaviors. Advocating for my own healing and connecting with others showed me that while full recovery from an eating disorder was going to be painstakingly difficult, it was possible.

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How Supporting My Sister Taught Me Self-Compassion

JCheang — Wed, 20 Feb 2019 14:57:53 +0000

How Supporting My Sister Taught Me Self-Compassion JCheang Wed, 02/20/2019 - 09:57

By Taylor Adams, MHA Programs and Operations Manager

There are few choice words I would use describe myself: I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend, a Pinterest enthusiast, a well-intentioned but awful plant mom. And I am a frequent client to my therapist because I have depression. Sometimes it feels like that last descriptor overshadows the other parts of my identity. Without the appropriate help, it consumed me as a young person who had lacked a real sense of identity. Being a loving daughter, a guiding sister, or a good friend always took a back seat.

Absorbed in my own issues, I felt guilty when I failed to notice my sister struggling with disordered eating. I felt worse believing I was not able to provide the emotional support she deserved from a sibling. She approaches life with a carefree attitude and quirky sense of humor. And she is fearless, a quality I admire most about her. But like my depression, her eating disorder can overwhelm her.

I fondly remember the frequent day trips my sister and I took to the Jersey shore, building sand castles and hosting our own sand-inspired cooking shows. Now, I liken our mental health to a sand castle in constant fear of an approaching tide that threatens to wash away all the hard effort it took to create. At times, a moat is desperately needed to catch the brunt of the crashing waves.

Reserving my feelings of guilt for therapy, I also felt hopeful about my sister’s recovery. The unwavering hope I felt for her replaced the hopelessness I felt for myself. I never doubted that she would thrive in spite of her eating disorder. As she works through her recovery, I am proud to see how her language and perceptions evolve with each victory and hurdle. The process is by no means linear, but I am confident the direction is forward. She is still the sister I know and love, and her eating disorder does not define her. Just as my depression does not define me.

Supporting my sister’s wellness has taught me to be kinder to myself in my own recovery. The thoughts and words I use to support her directly challenge the negative self-talk and perceptions I hold to be true about myself, constantly reminding me that these thoughts are not grounded in reality.

It takes practice to find the right balance between asking for help and offering support. Effects of mental illness include feeling like you are a burden to the people you love, but I find it easier to open up when I feel like I am helping her too. Instead of berating myself for being a bad sibling, I am grateful to have a sister who I can talk with about our similar concerns. Our mental health struggles have only strengthened our relationship knowing that we are both capable of acting as our own and each other’s moats.

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Are You At Risk for an Eating Disorder?

JCheang — Tue, 16 May 2017 12:45:55 +0000

Are You At Risk for an Eating Disorder?

JCheang Tue, 05/16/2017 - 08:45

By Lauren Smolar, Director of Helpline Services at the National Eating Disorders Association

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, and the longer they go undiagnosed, the more difficult they are to treat.¹

Early intervention, at the first sign of disordered behaviors or attitudes, offers the best hope for recovery.

Although eating disorders are often dismissed as a condition of vanity, that couldn’t be further from the truth. They are complex conditions that impact every organ system in the body, including cognition, and they Eating disorders are commonly comorbid with other disorders—such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)—and addictions like alcoholism. In a nationally representative study, 56.2% of those with anorexia nervosa, 78.9% of those with binge eating disorder, and 94.5% of those with bulimia nervosa had a co-occurring anxiety, mood, impulse-control, or substance use disorder.²

It is vitally important to understand early signs of disordered behaviors and attitudes, in order to create the best possible conditions for recovery. While most individuals won’t display all of the following signs and symptoms of an eating disorder at once, certain patterns of behavior may indicate that one is present. In general, behaviors and attitudes of those struggling with eating disorders indicate that weight loss, dieting, and control of food are becoming primary concerns.

Someone who is struggling with an eating disorder may experience dramatic weight loss, dress in layers to stay warm, refuse to eat certain foods, deny feeling hungry, or appear uncomfortable eating in front of others. They may also follow an excessive exercise regimen, disappear after eating, or drink excessive amounts of water. Physical symptoms may include noticeable fluctuations in weight, difficulties concentrating, dizziness or fainting, dental problems, thinning of the hair, and impaired immune functioning.

Even if someone isn’t exhibiting overt eating disordered behaviors, they may still be at risk of developing an eating disorder. Risk factors involve a range of biological, psychological, and sociocultural issues. For example, having a close relative with an eating disorder, being female, having a history of dieting, being diagnosed with Type One diabetes, having an anxiety disorder, or being a self-oriented perfectionist are all common risk factors.

Due to the number of people at risk or displaying signs of eating disordered behavior, it is vital for everyone to be aware of the warning signs of an eating disorder. Though not diagnostic, this video outlines more of the basic warning signs and symptoms and will give you an idea of what to look out for:

Once you’re aware of the general signs, there are simple steps you can take to create a supportive community for yourself or those who may be struggling.

Become aware of your community resources (treatment centers, self-help groups, etc.). You can also contact the NEDA Helpline for support, resources, and treatment options for yourself or a loved one by calling (800) 931-2237.
Never emphasize body size or shape as an indication of a person’s worth or identity. Value the person on the inside, instead of complimenting or commenting on physical traits.
If possible, gently confront others who say problematic things about size, weight, and food.
Listen carefully to the thoughts and feelings of those around you. If you are concerned about a loved one, express your thoughts without judgment.

To take and share NEDA’s confidential online eating disorders screening, visit nationaleatingdisorders.org/screening. If you have concerns about yourself or a loved one, please seek professional help.

Sources:

1. Arcelus J, Mitchell AJ, Wales J, Nielsen S. Mortality Rates in Patients With Anorexia Nervosa and Other Eating DisordersA Meta-analysis of 36 Studies. Arch Gen Psychiatry. 2011;68(7):724-731. doi:10.1001/archgenpsychiatry.2011.74

2. Hudson, J. I., Hiripi, E., Pope, H. G., & Kessler, R. C. (2007). The Prevalence and Correlates of Eating Disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Biological Psychiatry, 61(3), 348–358. http://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2006.03.040

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